Most of us are ending our first week of self-quarantining and self-distancing. We’ve had a few laughs. We’ve all cringed together. Let’s all end on a note to make you say, “Hmmmmm,” compliments of the master, George Carlin. Also, of my buddy Jeff Reynolds over at PJ Media, who I’m totally biting this post off of.
What we have now is a completely neurotic population obsessed with security and safety and crime and drugs and cleanliness and hygiene and germs. There’s another thing: germs. Where did this sudden fear of germs come from in this country? Have you noticed this?
The media, constantly running stories about all the latest infections – salmonella, E. coli, hantavirus, bird flu – and Americans, they panic easily, so now everybody’s running around, scrubbing this and spraying that and overcooking their food and repeatedly washing their hands, trying to avoid all contact with germs. It’s ridiculous and it goes to ridiculous lengths.
Carlin goes a little further with it than I personally do. Things seem different this time. Somewhere between an understandable distrust of the government and the media and ZOMG PEOPLE WE ALL ‘GON DIE I’m sure there’s an appropriate reaction. But where the media wants your panic turned up to ten, these past few weeks people have turned the panic all the way up to eleventy. Maybe everyone can dial it down to at least a three.
You can take personal precautions out of an abundance of “better safe than sorry.” But stop hoarding food and toilet paper like it’s the 80s and the Russians are invading. Stop acting like this is the end of the world as we know it. If that’s you, you weren’t fine in the first place. And please, for the love of God, stop with the sanctimonious Facebook posts about how rough things are from you that you have to work from home. Those of us who work from home normally are judging you. We’re judging you hard. So, so hard.
EXIT QUESTION: Am I the only one who has noticed that while the rest of the supermarket is ransacked, the beer aisle is fully stocked? It’s like you people don’t even know how to self-quarantine.